I have a question perhaps you could help me with - - I need some suggestions on how to handle a family member with our Irish Wolfhound puppy. 

 

We have a family member who came to stay at the house end of July. He is the type of person who has a very high energy level and it is usually negative and in crisis mode.  His stride is fast, jerky, loud and appears aggressive.  He came into the house (essentially our hounds’  territory) agitated.  The older IW girl  knows him and does okay.  He frightened the thirteen months old who only met him once as a puppy. 

 

We usually have the girls sit and wait when someone comes into the house (this avoids the congestion at the door and the "nose" activities) and then I ask the visitor to greet each dog and they wait their turn.  They enjoy visitors and are usually enthusiastic.

 

This family member refused this ritual.  We are calming the young bitch telling her 'it's all right' and her instincts are telling her it is 'not all right.'  She is backpedalling.  We got thru dinner but the next morning when he got up and the same turmoil ensued with the young bitch skidding on tile -

 

I put both dogs in the car and left the house.  We did get the family member to sit down later that night and let her come to him - however, his energy toward her through his own negative attitude it was only marginally successful.

 

I spent the next couple of weeks desensitising the pup to men with dark hair and she was doing well.  Last evening, when this family member once again came into the house -- no change in manner and directly refusing to greet the dog as requested - I left the house with her and went to the beach until sunset. 

 

Do you have any advice for me how I can handle this situation?

 

 

Reply:

 

 

For starters, I would not insist that your family member (FM) should even try to make contact with her, instead you should advise him to ignore her completely, so do not insist on the normal greeting ceremony.

 

Do not force your young bitch to do anything she does not want to do, instead give her all the space she wants and needs to get away from the situation. Keep escape routes open for her and let her find a place where she feels safe and where FM cannot, accidentally or intentionally, encroach on her privacy.

 

When FM arrives and you become protective of your pup and go over and stroke her and talk to her reassuringly, you may make things worse, as you emphasise the situation in her mind as something unusual. You sort of highlight this moment in her mind. Instead, you should also treat the situation as absolutely normal, not lose a word about it, and allow her go away or hide. Under no circumstances should you directly respond to her grumbling, not even by putting your hand on her.

 

You can however try an approach we have used with our hounds in similar situations very successfully - you can try to overwrite the stress causing situation (e.g. FM barrelling up the stairs or entering the house loudly) with something pleasant. For instance, you can have her favourite treat ready and give it to her at that moment.

 

You may think that this would only reinforce her anxiety but if you do this each time FM’s arrival or presence  frightens her, over time you will have her re-programmed into accepting that when FM arrives on the scene, something GOOD is going to happen. Slowly her focus will not be on a "fight or flight" response but she will be expecting the goodies from you. If she still insists to retreat to her safe corner afterwards, let her.

 

If you are familiar with clicker training, you can also apply this in times of 'danger'. I trained one of our bitches to the cue "touch" every time I need her attention diverted from something else. It developed from a game, but has become a great tool in managing situations.

 

I have a little routine with her where she has to touch my outstretched hand with her nose several times (left, right, high, low), then sit down, and give my a High Five with her paw, then she gets her treat. This has become such a powerful procedure that she now reacts automatically to it, no matter how high the stress levels are. It diverts her attention and she finds her bearings again in anxiety causing situation 

 

Removing her from the situation altogether, as you did before, is a good thing, but I can imagine that this may be very disruptive to your routine and you will probably not be able to do this all the time. 

 

But the most important advice I can give you is to give your pup space to retreat to a safe haven and at the same time to instil in FM to ignore her, not even to make eye contact or to approach her, especially not head-on. Any initiative to make contact should entirely come from your pup, not from him.

 

Since your pup seems to have problems only with this person and is otherwise friendly and outgoing, I don’t think you need to worry about her temperament.

 

If FM is co-operative and genuinely willing to have a better relationship with your pup, it is worth to invest time and effort in modifying both his and her behaviour.

 

However, if you have the impression that FM does not really care, then I suggest you accept and respect your pup’s reaction and not expect from her to become friends with a person about whom she is very anxious, for whatever reason. 

 

If FM does not live with you but only comes for visits occasionally then I'd say let her react the way she wants to (after all, it's her home), and take a deep breath when FM has left.

 

Good Luck!